Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
