I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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