In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
