I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
