i don't plan on having that self control this summer
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
