It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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