I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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