brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
