Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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