I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its about making memories worth repressing
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
