I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
