A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
