You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
