That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
