did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
