I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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