I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
