fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
