If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
