His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
