Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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