Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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