yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
