i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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