Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
