their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
