keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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