did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
