oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
