Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
