if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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