does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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