This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
