haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
