Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
