My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
