In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
