I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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