I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
