I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
