I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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