well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
