He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
