she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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