She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
