my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
