and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
