Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
