he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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