mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
