I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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