does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wish there were birth control emojis
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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