So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
