my mouth tastes like poor choices
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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