i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
