Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
