She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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