Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
