What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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