do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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