I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
