Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
