hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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