two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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