I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
