Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
