Old men and throwing up are my life now.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
