FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
