Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
