i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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