i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
