It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
