and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
