What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
