It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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