And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
