bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
