no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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