Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
