Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i love accidental penises.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
