Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need moral support for this bender
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
