are you still at the devil's house?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
