you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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