I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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