My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize