can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
