can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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