i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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