ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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