I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
