the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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