My friends, they love my intelligence
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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