and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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