I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
