What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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