Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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