i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
