do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
